Putting Mommy and Daddy to Sleep

Have you emptied your bladder recently? If not, I recommend doing so now.

OK. Now, you are less likely to wet yourself as you read the following story:

All who know Elizabeth have seen her talk to, nurture, and feed her "babies", which is a loose term for anything she owns. Well, she has moved on to bigger and better things. Namely, mommy and daddy. Her new stalling technique before bedtime is to make mommy and daddy sleep on her bedroom floor. Tonight, she took it to another level, playing out an entire charade that went something like this...

"Mommy, Daddy sleeping, you go sleep, too!" I lay down on the floor next to daddy, whose head is covered with an afghan. "I have blankie for you, too!!" She covers my right scapula with a blankie, and pats my back. Then she hands me a stuffed puppy dog to snuggle with. Daddy, not to be left out, starts wimpering. So she gives him a tiny stuffed bunny. Not satisfied with this, he says, in a whiny voice, "I want the gorilla!!". To which she says, "O-Kay." Crosses the room to fetch the gorilla.

We both start whining about wanting a story. Again, she says, "O-Kay." She procures "Blue Hat, Green Hat" and "The Going to Bed Book". But before she can sit down, she decides she needs a bench. So she goes and hefts her stool with the carved letters that spell her name(which isn't light), nearly dropping it on my head in order to situate herself between us. She sits down with the book. Then changing her mind, gets up again. She fiddles with other books.

Continued whining about a story. "Please read us a story!!! PLEASE!!!" "I want THAT one!!!" cries daddy as he points to "Blue Hat, Green Hat". She repeats this little routine a few times, each time we get more insistent. We want a story. I fake a big snore, to which she says, "Wape up, Mommy!! Wape up!"

She finally settles herself onto the Elizabeth stool. She opens "Blue Hat, Green Hat" in the middle and stares at the page. Daddy says, "Well, aren't you going to read it to us????" To which Elizabeth replies succinctly, yet forlornly....

"But...I can't read!!!!"